Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hannah Montana is more than a Disney Character.

So I have been away from the computer for so long and now I can finally write down a few weird conversation that has been going on. I've told a few of my friends and they were laughing their asses off on one particular conversation that I had to deal with.

I do get a lot of WEIRD calls, which is why I'm writing them down in a blog. lol. ANYWAY, I get a lot of the calls when the callers make up a fantasy and I would have to go along with their sexual fantasy. One caller asked me to pretend to be Hannah Montana and how sexy her 17 year old ass looks in small ripped jeans. It was just hilarious how the caller would scream out "Yes Hannah! I love you Hannah!" and my response was always "I love you too Billy!" (or whatever his name was. I can't remember anymore). God it was hilarious. I can just think about Hannah Montana and how this fool was probably looking at her photos online and singing to her theme song on the Disney channel. "You've got the BEEEST of both worlds...."

So the best call I had this past month is one hysterical story, and I must thank my dispatcher for giving me this call. Before my dispatcher sent me the call, she wanted to warn me before I heard it from his own mouth. She said "I want to warn you, this guy is really weird and I think he has makeup all over his dick". I responded, "Ummm, he has make up on his dick?" and she said "Yes, he put lipstick all over his dick. I think he's trying to look like a clown".
Once I started talking to this guy, I realized that I've talked to him before, but I highly doubt that he remembers talking to me. Anyhow, he starts to tell me how he grabbed his girlfriend's professional makeup and smeared lipstick all over the tip of his dick, rubbed mascara all over his pubes and has blue eyeshadow on the shaft of his penis. (Are you laughing yet, or are you in shock?) he was telling me that he feels pretty when he does this to his own penis and he was hoping I wouldn't judge him. Of course I told him it was okie and I like to imagine his penis covered in makeup. I kept pushing the MUTE button on my phone (which I never do unless I sneeze or cough) and I just kept laughing and laughing and laughing. I seriously cannot help but to laugh at stupid idiots that do this to themselves.

I hope you laughed at this blog because I am smiling the whole time.

Friday, February 6, 2009

And Then They BLOW.....

Yesterday I had a call that I just HAD to write about. He was great though. A little on the crazy side, but over all funny and entertaining.

I had a caller last night and he was talking for a LONG time. In the beginning of our conversation, he talked to me like a regular caller. He talked about himself and what his likes/dislikes were. He was starting to become a boring caller (and when I mean boring, i mean there was some quiet moments in our conversations). Then, he asked me a weird question. "Would you mind if I took a line of Coke?" I asked him, "Would that make you feel good?" of course that is a stupid question, but I didn't care what he did on the other line, as long as he didn't kill himself by over dosing. After he took his first line, the conversation started picking up. He was telling me how he's a teacher for a high school and he was also a surfer. I also found out that he lived in my hometown, which surprised the both of us and gave us more things to talk about. Then he says again, "Can I take another line?" and I said "yah sure, I don't care", which is true I didn't care. I've had callers before calling and bragging about how much coke they have in front of them. I can hear this guy snorting his line, and within a few seconds, his entire mood changes, which is why I think this caller is interesting. He started talking to me as if he was a little child. He had a high pitch voice as if he was 10 years old and telling me how much he loves sprinkling blow all over himself. He said he would LOVE to rub $100 worth of coke all over my body and he would love to snort it off. Then, I would hear him snort another line, and then another one after that. A few seconds later, he would tell me how much he loved me and loved talking to me. Normally I would tell him things that he wants to hear, but with this caller, I didn't care. I didn't think he would remember me after this night. When he would compliment me, I would say "oh thats nice!"

Long story short, I finally got off the phone with him two hours later. The only way I can get off the phone with him was to tell him "Sir, your minutes are up and I need to go". He got really sad and said "well..... okie...." I was tired of talking to this guy. It was like talking to a 10 year old boy about sex. Thats not cool! Plus I was tired of him repeating himself over and over.

until next time folks....

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Some callers bother me...

I've had a few calls from a certain caller that really bothers me. Before I say anything, I just want to say that I have NO idea if this guy is telling me the truth. Maybe this is just a sick fantasy that he loves to play with me, but even if this is in his head, then he should seek help.

So this caller has been calling me since I first started with the company. He doesn't request for me, but occasionally I will get him on the line. The first time I've ever talked to him, he confessed to me that he recently forced a girl to have sex with him and then he took pictures of her and he was looking at her photos. As disturbing as that sounds, it gets worst. He tells me exactly how it happened and this girl happens to be his bosses' daughter. He loves to look at the photos and brag about how good she was. Then, after many times talking to him over and over, he asks me "Would you mind talking to her if I get her on the other line?" I don't know what to say other than "sure". He wants me to talk to her as if I was a friend of his and try to get her to talk to him about the whole situation.

So he gets her on a three-way call and I begin to talk to her. She tells me how he hurt her and how she's scared of him. She knows he's listening to everything what we're saying, so she tries to hide a lot of her feelings. She tells me how he forced himself on her and she was crying and telling him to stop. Then, she said if she didn't follow along with him, then he would abuse her.

Now after hearing all this information over and over, I kept thinking "Maybe this story isn't true". If someone rapes a girl, why would you be so open about it and tell a complete stranger about this story? This is why I keep thinking this story isn't real and this girl could be going along with this story. It could be their little fantasy. Who knows. If this story is true, then this is a sick motherfucker and I would love to report him in. I wouldn't care if I got fired.

Also I will not post how young this girl is, but it IS disturbing if you ever found out.